This one time in my teenage years I went to see a movie in the theater and right before the previews there was a commercial for Navy Seals. And I was like Oh My God I want to do that. Fucking Navy Seals, man! Holy shit! Yeah! I'm gonna join the Navy Seals!
And then I remembered.
You know what I'm talking about. Come on.
I'm a girl.
It sort of hit me right then. There is something I'm not allowed to do. No matter how hard I work or how much I want it, I could not ever be a Navy Seal.
I don't actually want to be a Navy Seal. As cool as Charlie Sheen looks, that is not the job for me, but that doesn't change the moment of absolute shock to my system I felt when I realized that my lack of penis prevented me from doing something.
It's not anybody's fault, really. This is a man vs nature issue. Demi Moore aside, no woman has ever been a Seal and most likely no woman ever will. It doesn't matter how strong and aggressive and bald we are, we cannot physically handle the cold water. That's it. Capillaries.
Now I'm not a throw-your-bra-in-the-fire-and-stop-shaving feminist, but I do get pretty indignant when I feel like I'm not allowed to do something because I'm a woman. But in screenwriting, it feels like we're so far at the back of the bus we can't even see the driver.
Remember Shannon Faulkner? She made that fuss about getting into VMI and then refused to shave her head. That bitch pissed me the fuck off. "Oh I just want to be equal! Just treat me like everybody else except OMG my hair!"
And then she quit because she was too fat to do the cardio workouts.
Thanks, bitch. Now every sexist asshole who likes to call woman raggy weaklings just got more proof that he's right.
This has made me rethink Diablo Cody. I'm mixed up on that. How many other female screenwriters can you name? Susanna Grant?
Okay now how many female screenwriters can the average person name?
Just one.
Then again, most people can't name a male screenwriter either.
So in a way, Diablo Cody did something awesome for us. She got some attention. She made people remember that somebody writes this shit. But she did it by gaining attention as stripper. And yet, if I have to use my cleavage to get attention at a party, I'll do it in a heartbeat. So am I so much better than her?
I'm conflicted.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm overreacting, but then I think about when I go in for a pitch meeting, is the fact that I'm a girl going to hurt me? If I go in there and start talking about explosions, are the studio execs going to assume that dude with the penis can write better explosions than I can? Is this gonna be the goddamn Navy Seals all over again?
I always thought being a girl was an advantage. It sets me apart, after all. But then that may just be my naive self talking, the one that thinks everybody likes girls who like explosions, the one that doesn't really see a big difference in capability between a guy and a girl.
I dunno. What do you think?
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