Jackson Browne is a happy man today for three reason, each of which I'll address separately.Reason the First: You know who the fuck he is, which you really shouldn't.
Is it really possible to be more anonymous, yet insanely rich, than Jackson fucking Browne? Honest to Christ, the guy was semi-famous in the Seventies, but sucking was awfully popular back then. Just look at Seals and Croft. Or America.
Come to think of it, it's even more popular today. Back then there were really cool people like Warren Zevon, Lou Reed, the Stones and Steely Dan. Now pretty much everyone sucks.
Never mind. My bad.
Reason the Second: Republicans Have Shitty Taste in Music: "Running on Empty" and "Barracuda"? Really? Is that the best you assholes can do? Christ, your playlist makes it sound like you're all stuck in 1976, which, come to think of it, also wasn't a very good year for Republicans.
It was pretty clear by the middle of September that John McCain was going to lose in an asshole blowout and the GOP never had a chances of suffering anything other than total annihilation on Congress. So why not have some fun with the intro music for the candidates?
Think about it. What could be more fun than having John McCain stride upon the stages of America to the tune of "Kill the Poor" by the Dead Kennedys? Better still, have Sarah Palin introduced with Ice Cube's "Givin' Out the Nappy Dugout" or "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails. In light of recent events, it would've been a whole lot more accurate than "Barracuda." By the first week of October, Team Maverick should have given her a stripper pole, too. Just to keep things interesting-like.
And don't worry, Republicans. All of the songs I just mentioned are between 15 and 25 years old, so you can retain your stodgy credibility, it would just have been slightly more interesting.
Reason the Third: Republicans Have No Respect For The Law: I will say that hippie musician assholes are dickheads for moaning about what's played at campaign rallies, even if those rallies are televised. I'd even say the conventions are fair game, too.
But advertising is a no-no and even third-graders know that. Advertising is, and there's really no other way to put it, a commercial enterprise. Even the most liberal interpretation of copyright law should tell you that the RNC fucked up awfully bad. You cannot use someone else's work to make or ask for money without their permission. Period.
It doesn't even matter if the person whose work you're using has been in the Witness Protection Program since the Carter administration. Ask J.D Salinger.
And the legal argument McCain and the RNC used was worse than pathetic. It doesn't matter if the title is an “acknowledged cliché.” The lyrics, melody, chord progression and the recording itself aren't, although it sure as shit seems that way.
Having seen that golden nugget of high-priced lawyering, I'm frankly amazed that the McCain campaign and the Republican National Committee didn't just argue that the 2001 Authorization for the Use of Military Force Against Terrorists resolution permitted them do it. It allowed them to do whatever else they wanted.
In a pinch, they could have just said "Cheney told us to." That works a lot more often than you would think.
So as a result of craven stupidity and a willful ignorance of law so established that grade-schoolers are aware of it, Jackson Browne is allowed to be happy. As you might imagine, this saddens me deeply.
This is so glum that the only condolence I can take is that Mr. Browne didn't stroll out of the courtroom with a guitar, singing "Lawyers in Love." Right-thinking people everywhere would have no reason to carry on had that happened.
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